Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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