I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
