Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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