i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
