the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
