I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
