I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
