just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
