Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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