i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
