I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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