oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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