literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
