my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
