I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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