the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
