i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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