my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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