8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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