last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
