we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
