Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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