My room smells like vodka and shame
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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