I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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