woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
