I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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