toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
