dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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