If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you will always have a special place in my vag
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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