Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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