If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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