I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
