Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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