So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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