I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
