Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
