OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Randomize
