I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
