If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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