my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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