I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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