Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
