Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
