i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
