flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
