Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
