I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
