Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
