my mouth tastes like poor choices
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
