So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
