About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
