I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
