I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
