why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
