Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
