I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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