Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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