I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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